I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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