If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
