you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Pooping to opera.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
