just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
