did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
