so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
