ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
