It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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