she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
