Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
