i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
