It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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