We're like a lot better than the average bears
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
