I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
