the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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