Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
