Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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