Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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