Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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