man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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