So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
jump out the window naked night went bad
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