i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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