you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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