Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this just has baby written all over it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
