im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
