My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
