dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
