Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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