therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
