is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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