I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
