um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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