this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just found a bag of teeth...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
