I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize