This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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