I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
