Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
