Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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