yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Buhtt sex?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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