you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
