New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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