A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can text with my tongue
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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