Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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