Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My life is pants optional.
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