nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
