So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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