he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
