there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
