By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
