Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
