Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
