If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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