if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
