rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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