the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
