yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
