if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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