based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
