When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
