how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
