Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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