You're my little dorito
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
cat food counts as protein by the way
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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