Your face is a jimmy john
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
