the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
