How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
