You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
