just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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