uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
