bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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