yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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