half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
