i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
