Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
