problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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