who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
