So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
