Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
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