You work out of a Hotel?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
