I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
