i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
