im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
