Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize