Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
