I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
