So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
