have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
