Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
