I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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