Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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