I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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