there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
