He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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