a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
