So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Houston, we have a blender
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
