I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
