Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
