the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and i looked up. we had an audience...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize