Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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