I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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