I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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