Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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