soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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