Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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