She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
