I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize