I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
